- Coming home to my dad folding my underwear - every girl hopes someday her dad will see her lace leopard thongs, right?
- Not having to do dishes/load the dishwasher because my dad is so anal that he wants to do it himself. Apparently there's a real science to stacking those dishes!
- Eating Chinese, pizza, and chips every night. The Michalowskis are the picture of health.
- The three/four-way call with my insurance company, my dad, and me - and my mom jumping on in the middle to make sure my dad and I weren't scheming - to get added to their insurance so I can drive the minivan legally.
- My mom's awesome "surprises" - doing my laundry, organizing my room, unpacking my suitcases and boxes, etc. (so cute)
- Being able to choose one of the 10 TVs in the house (one in each room - 2 in some) to watch Dancing with the Stars, Two and a Half Men, or Big Bang Theory with my roommates.
- My mom's nonstop commentary during every TV show ("I think Chaz Bono is too heavy to be on Dancing with the Stars. He's just not attractive for this show, you know?")
Monday, September 19, 2011
The perks
There are a few things that are really awesome about living at home. These things are:
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Kate, you should probably make sure you've booked your move to Denver by then, so you aren't stuck in the ol' "Yeah, I live in my parents' basement" convo.
My 10-year high school reunion is coming up next month, and my best friend said to me, "Kate, you should probably make sure you've booked your move to Denver by then so you aren't stuck in the ol' "Yeah, I live in my parents' basement" convo.." Good advice no doubt.
The reunion planner created a Facebook page, and my fellow assmates have been making the most ridiculous and rude comments - from updating everyone on the "exciting" happenings of their lives (filming porn, having babies, harvesting corn - not kidding, someone actually said their attendance depended on whether or not her husband would be harvesting corn - kinda awesome, but also really funny) to complaining about the location of the event to being super self-important with things like, "I have xyz (soooo important). I might be able to come. I'll get back to you." Get back to whom? The Facebook page? Nobody carrrrrrrrrres why you may or may not be coming - just rsvp yes or no! So although Sara's advice is sound, I think I'll take this opportunity to follow suit with these posts:
"Let me check with my parents, and I'll get back to you."
"I can only come if my roommates will let me borrow the minivan...or maybe they can drop me off - yessssssss Designated Driver!!! Let me ask and get back to you!"
"I have to make sure someone can assume my responsibilities of taking care of the family cat. Will keep you posted on whether I can get coverage or not."
"Oooooh I'm not sure if I can make it out - I need to save the air in my mom's bike tires (see A Few Things to Work On)."
And for your reading pleasure, a few of the assmate comments. Ladies and gentlemen, the BHS Class of 2001:
I graduated in 2002. I was supposed to graduate in 2000 but was held back twice (does this mean you won't be coming then? Or are you just bragging?)
The reunion planner created a Facebook page, and my fellow assmates have been making the most ridiculous and rude comments - from updating everyone on the "exciting" happenings of their lives (filming porn, having babies, harvesting corn - not kidding, someone actually said their attendance depended on whether or not her husband would be harvesting corn - kinda awesome, but also really funny) to complaining about the location of the event to being super self-important with things like, "I have xyz (soooo important). I might be able to come. I'll get back to you." Get back to whom? The Facebook page? Nobody carrrrrrrrrres why you may or may not be coming - just rsvp yes or no! So although Sara's advice is sound, I think I'll take this opportunity to follow suit with these posts:
"Let me check with my parents, and I'll get back to you."
"I can only come if my roommates will let me borrow the minivan...or maybe they can drop me off - yessssssss Designated Driver!!! Let me ask and get back to you!"
"I have to make sure someone can assume my responsibilities of taking care of the family cat. Will keep you posted on whether I can get coverage or not."
"Oooooh I'm not sure if I can make it out - I need to save the air in my mom's bike tires (see A Few Things to Work On)."
And for your reading pleasure, a few of the assmate comments. Ladies and gentlemen, the BHS Class of 2001:
I graduated in 2002. I was supposed to graduate in 2000 but was held back twice (does this mean you won't be coming then? Or are you just bragging?)
Friday, September 2, 2011
A Few Things to Work On
After a few days as new roommates, we are all still getting used to living in close proximity (4000 sq ft) and naturally, my mom has a few things she'd like me to "work on." Gotta have open communication if we're gonna make this work!
When she walked in on me in the shower again (just can't wait to see my boobs), she summoned up her best mom voice to explain that if I didn't turn the fan on, the wallpaper (yep, wallpaper) would peel from the humidity. I immediately felt a ping of guilt that I had purposely left the fan off in hopes that it would ruin that horrific blue checkered wallpaper, so it would have to come down. My intentions are completely selfless - I am trying to do them a favor, because they're hoping to sell the house in the next few years, and let's be honest, Bunky is the only person in America who is still putting up wallpaper (this isn't wallpaper leftover from the 80s - this was a recent decor decision). Note: I tried to say "wallpaper" as many times as I could in this post for effect. Wallpaper.
Next, she asked me not to leave my hamper in the laundry room, because "it's such a small space." Interestingly enough, it's approximately the same size as my last apartment, but I understand - hampers don't belong in the laundry room while you're doing laundry.
Lastly, she asked me to work on being on time in the morning, so they don't have to rush me to the train. Now, this is certainly a very reasonable request, because it is SUPER nice that they take me every morning - I don't want to seem ungrateful for that. Also, being on time is something I have been trying to work on - especially when I'm with my family - because I understand not everyone is on board with my "I hate feeling rushed" approach - moseying around and being 15 minutes late to everything. But this is where the good part comes in. I told her I could take the Pace bus or ride my bike to the train, so they don't have to drive me every morning/pick me up every night. To this, she said "You don't have a bike." and I said, "You're right - I was thinking I could just borrow yours" (that has been sitting in the garage for 5 years minus the 15 minutes that one time she accompanied my dad on a ride). She told me that wouldn't be a good idea, because she "needed the air in the tires for when she wanted to ride it." Makes perfect sense to me. To you?
Suffice it to say, I am in serious self-improvement mode now. Points to work on noted, Bunks.
When she walked in on me in the shower again (just can't wait to see my boobs), she summoned up her best mom voice to explain that if I didn't turn the fan on, the wallpaper (yep, wallpaper) would peel from the humidity. I immediately felt a ping of guilt that I had purposely left the fan off in hopes that it would ruin that horrific blue checkered wallpaper, so it would have to come down. My intentions are completely selfless - I am trying to do them a favor, because they're hoping to sell the house in the next few years, and let's be honest, Bunky is the only person in America who is still putting up wallpaper (this isn't wallpaper leftover from the 80s - this was a recent decor decision). Note: I tried to say "wallpaper" as many times as I could in this post for effect. Wallpaper.
Next, she asked me not to leave my hamper in the laundry room, because "it's such a small space." Interestingly enough, it's approximately the same size as my last apartment, but I understand - hampers don't belong in the laundry room while you're doing laundry.
Lastly, she asked me to work on being on time in the morning, so they don't have to rush me to the train. Now, this is certainly a very reasonable request, because it is SUPER nice that they take me every morning - I don't want to seem ungrateful for that. Also, being on time is something I have been trying to work on - especially when I'm with my family - because I understand not everyone is on board with my "I hate feeling rushed" approach - moseying around and being 15 minutes late to everything. But this is where the good part comes in. I told her I could take the Pace bus or ride my bike to the train, so they don't have to drive me every morning/pick me up every night. To this, she said "You don't have a bike." and I said, "You're right - I was thinking I could just borrow yours" (that has been sitting in the garage for 5 years minus the 15 minutes that one time she accompanied my dad on a ride). She told me that wouldn't be a good idea, because she "needed the air in the tires for when she wanted to ride it." Makes perfect sense to me. To you?
Suffice it to say, I am in serious self-improvement mode now. Points to work on noted, Bunks.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
My mom is dying to see me naked
This morning, in the 30 minutes from getting out of bed to walking out the door, my mom let herself into my apartment twice in hopes of seeing me naked. I can assure you this is more than she has been in her basement in the past three months combined. The first time, she "wanted to make sure I was up" - I guess all the lights on, the empty bed and the running shower didn't give her the assurance she was looking for, so she opened the bathroom door to tell me that she was just making sure. Then she proceeded to enter the bathroom to feed my 3rd roommate, Snowflake (my niece's cat who now lives with my parents...and me...and with whom I share a bathroom). I was initially told that it would be my job to take care of the cat, but she obviously wanted to help me out this morning (aka see me naked). Since the bowl was full, she just pushed the cup around in the food to trick Snowflake into thinking it was fresh food (she's a particular pussy).
The second time my mom tried to see me naked this morning was just a few short minutes later when she came down while I was blow drying my hair (rookie mistake - I'm used to living alone and being able to be naked up until the minute before I leave my house. I got my robe out of the boxes in the garage, so I will never make this mistake again). Scared the shit out of me, and I screamed. She just wanted to see if the sheets in the dryer were mine. In my frightened state, I said "Unless dad picked up satin sheets in Singapore on his business trip or you purchased them recently, you could deduce that yes, those are mine." I'm working on my patience with my new roommates.
In the minivan, as my mom was driving me to the train (full regression), she wanted to discuss a few things that she would like me to work on...as her roommate. She then told me that for her part, the next time she needs to come down when I'm in the bathroom, she'll go through my bedroom and knock so she doesn't scare me or catch me with my head upside down and my boobs on display in my favorite birthday suit. In a full practice of patience, I calmly responded, "Or maybe just a little privacy in the morning and you can do anything you need to do in the basement at another time?" She said she'll try, and I said ok, because that's all us roommates can ask for.
The second time my mom tried to see me naked this morning was just a few short minutes later when she came down while I was blow drying my hair (rookie mistake - I'm used to living alone and being able to be naked up until the minute before I leave my house. I got my robe out of the boxes in the garage, so I will never make this mistake again). Scared the shit out of me, and I screamed. She just wanted to see if the sheets in the dryer were mine. In my frightened state, I said "Unless dad picked up satin sheets in Singapore on his business trip or you purchased them recently, you could deduce that yes, those are mine." I'm working on my patience with my new roommates.
In the minivan, as my mom was driving me to the train (full regression), she wanted to discuss a few things that she would like me to work on...as her roommate. She then told me that for her part, the next time she needs to come down when I'm in the bathroom, she'll go through my bedroom and knock so she doesn't scare me or catch me with my head upside down and my boobs on display in my favorite birthday suit. In a full practice of patience, I calmly responded, "Or maybe just a little privacy in the morning and you can do anything you need to do in the basement at another time?" She said she'll try, and I said ok, because that's all us roommates can ask for.
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